Captain's Warning
I have long since retired, but I was once an accomplished captain. The seas are a treacherous place, so those who survive long enough to retire are looked at for advice. The younger sailors are always looking for tips to survive, they want to know what to look for, how to read the waters, and areas to avoid. I have always done my best to make sure young sailors learn as much possible, but I have gained the reputation as a crazy old man. They think I am crazy after the story of my shipwreck; what they don't understand is that it is all true, even though it sounds crazy. I know I am not crazy as many of my shipmates all remember these same events. You can think me crazy too, but you should be warned. Heed my warning, it could be the difference between life and death.
A nasty storm hit us after we the harbour, we had not gotten far and the storm came out of nowhere. Our ship was thrown against the rock off the coast of Ceylon. We were a larger cargo ship and we had a large crew, but only 500 of survived. The next morning as we were trying to recover what we could and patch up ourselves a large group of women came with food and clothes. We had crashed not far from their city luckily. They had a bustling city full of people. The women in the city were numerous, but there were few men. We saw only a handful in the pastures and working the fields when we entered the city. We were being nursed back to health and many of the women were seeking husbands. We sailors all settled down and married one of the women eventually. We were living great lives for a while. This next part is where I lose many people, as much as it sounds crazy I want you to know.
IT IS ALL TRUE!
IT IS ALL TRUE!
Waking in the night my wife was no longer sleeping beside me, shortly after waking I could hear the door. What walked into my room was not my wife, it was a beast, a creature, a GOBLIN. A GOBLIN I TELL YOU. I froze and watched her as I pretended to sleep. That is when I heard her, she sung while eating something. All I could hear was, "Man's meat, man's meat, that's what Goblins like to eat!" They ate humans, the sweat that crept down my back as I had to lay down next to this vile thing for the rest of the night felt like ice. The next morning I got all of my crew together. Some of those damned fools refused to understand the danger we were in and called me crazy. The men who believed me understood that we had to get out of there. For days we planned and looked for ways to escape this damned island.
We just so happened to be lucky though, a fairy watched over that city and it hated those goblins. The fairy had tried to save others, but none chose to believe her. We had already had our eyes opened, and needed no convincing. We happily accepted her help, she had a flying horse to carry us out of here. The horse was the size of a normal horse, although it had wings on it. There was no way it could carry all of us off this island, but as we crawled one after the other onto the horse there always seemed to be more room. My belief is that the fairy had magic to shrink us so the horse could carry us all. I chose to retire after this adventure, but some of my crew continued to sail. They continued because they did not see what I saw.
Heed my tale, avoid this city. DO NOT LET THE GOBLINS GET YOU. Even if you crash on their island quickly escape their reach by escaping down the island. AVOID THE CITY AT ALL COSTS.
Author's Note
I chose to make this story from the perspective of the captain. I felt like it could add more personality to the story. This personality was given by the captain's thoughts. To accomplish this I felt like I had to add to the setting, this is down by making the captain tell this story as a tale of his past.
Bibliography
Goblin City. The Giant Crab, and Other Tales from Old India. W. H. D. Rouse.
Hi Travis! I really liked your take on this story because the perspective of the captain makes it far more captivating than the original. It truly felt like I was reading a memoir of a salty sea captain recalling his great adventures. This helped me picture the story in my mind better, and definitely made the characters feel more alive. Looking forward to seeing more of your work!
ReplyDeleteHi Travis,
ReplyDeleteYour syntax really kept be going throughout your story! I am one that reads with a strong voice in my head, and you made that even stronger with your formatting and details to certain scenarios throughout. It almost felt as I was receiving a real-life warning about something and needed to take cover - which aligned really well with the captain's warning!
Travis,
ReplyDeleteThis is my feedback on your story.
First off, wow. I really liked the first-person point of view that added another layer to this story. The whole first paragraph that explains who the author of the story is was very well done. The character you started building in that first paragraph carried through the story well with the capitalized speech at various points.
That said, I wonder if your writing could be improved by ensuring that you re-read your work to catch small errors? I know that at multiple points I found myself tripping over sentences you had written where you left out a word. This tends to be common when you edit your writing and simply assume that all elements of your story are present. Double checking your work will make your story presentation that much better.
Additionally, early in the story, you have the author make statements using "us" and "we" without explaining who this group is until later in the story. I wonder if it would be possible to ensure that you provide all of the information necessary for the reader to fully understand the story.
Overall, I enjoyed your story. I thought it was especially creative and unique. Great job!
Hello again Travis, I have been a huge fan of your stories!
ReplyDeleteI like how you told the Goblin City story in the captain's perspective. It is very unique and it was something that I never thought about. I always find it weird how none of the people in that story had any major dialogue so seeing it shown like this really helps shine another light on the story. I especially liked how clearly you showed the captain's desperation with your words. I felt a sense of dread when reading this and I can sympathize with how much the captain wanted to leave. How can you put yourself into another character's shoes so easily? One suggestion I would give is to use quotations to differentiate between when the captain is speaking and everything else. Right now it is a little bit hard to follow. Adding quotations would make the story look a lot cleaner, visually, and easier to follow.
Otherwise, great job! Looking forward to your next work!