Comment Wall

Comments for my Storybook Project

Please feel free to leave comments for my storybook project here on this blog post.

My storybook can be found here: https://sites.google.com/view/hachimurastories/home

Rakshasa art by Peter Mohrbache


  1. Hey Travis! Reading your introduction helped me understand where you are going to go with this storybook a lot. I like how you have placed yourself in the story as a character and are going to lead us through the various cryptids that you are studying in the class stories. I specifically liked the ominous tone of the initial journal entry - it built suspense and made me as a reader want to continue reading. One thing I wondered about was the emphasis on biology in the story, and how the creatures cannot be explained by biology. Is this a particular thing that cryptid hunters emphasize when talking about cryptids to hype them up, or is their unnatural nature so disturbing that the cryptid explorer can't help but be scarred? I think it will be fun and interesting to see how this storybook progresses, and I can see myself coming back for more

  2. I think that your lay out is great. It is very clean. It is also easy to navigate. I do think on your intro it may be nice to break up so it is not such a dense read. If you could make it more paragraphs. I also think if you added more photos it would be better for people to stay interested. As well, putting the photo at the beginning so the audience has that phot in mind while reading your into. I think your approach to the story is very interesting. I really like that it is in first person. In school people always tell you not to write in first person because “people don’t care about your opinion” but think it makes it much more personal. It feels like fantastic beasts and where to find them. I’m excited to follow along! Such a unique way to tell the story!

  3. Hi Travis! I am loving this idea. The introduction was very detailed and clear. This helped be have a good idea of what you will be writing about and how you will write it. I am a huge fan of one single narrator that is also a character. Make sure to keep that character's arc and growth in mind! One suggestion I have for your intro is to reword or exclude this sentence towards the bottom: "I would recommend not reading this journal though." Are you telling us this because it is scary? Your narrator is so excited about these crypts and I want to be just as excited. Some ideas for ways to improve it may be to make it a more defined warning (example: WARNING: Not for those who scare easily/ not for those with a limited imagination/ not for those who fear the unknown/ etc). You can put this at the very end in its own line or keep it where it is. Obviously if you love it how it is, keep it! That is my only thing to think about. Overall, well done!

  4. Travis, I like the premise of your project. This is a super creative idea, and I like it alot! I think the layout of your site is great, and the pictures really lend themselves to your idea. Do you have an idea as to what creatures you'll be writing about? Rakshasas? What else? This seems really cool.
    That said, there are a few things you could do to improve your introduction. I'd give an actual period of time that you have been studying cryptids to add credibility to your character. "A good chunk of time" is not particularly convincing or impressive. I think you could also add some sort of warning at the beginning of the introduction to fend off the weak willed. You do this at the end, but it could be more effective at the beginning of the introduction.
    It could potentially be useful to list what creatures from Indian epics you're going to talk about, mixing them in with Bigfoot and Mothman to convey the idea that they're on the same "level" of cryptid.
    At one point, you mention that you ended up in an "underworld." Then you sort of moved on. Uhhh... this seems pretty insane and groundbreaking? I'd focus on this a little more or cut it entirely. Maybe you could end the introduction by mentioning that you've discovered this underworld and hope to report more in the coming stories?
    I'd also read through your writing again- you've got a few run on sentences where you used commas in places that you should probably have a period.

    All in all, I really like this idea. I'm excited to see where you go from here.

    1. Travis,
      I wanted to come back to your project because I liked the concept and wanted to see your first story! I love the changes you made to your introduction. It reads better. You added things I recommended or re-wrote sections so my comments were no longer applicable. Great job! On top of that, you chose an AWESOME picture for your first story. I didn't know what it was, but I stared at it for a good minute before reading the story. It's cool. There are a few things you can fix in your story though:
      1. You have two instances where you use "to" instead of "too." Speed typing will do that to you. It's an easy fix.
      2. Make sure you keep everything in past-tense. Your story is clearly meant to be like a journal entry, so all of this stuff already happened. I only saw one instance of you doing this.
      3. It is AWESOME that as your character watches this battle, he notes details that only someone in his line of work would focus on. The part about the creature's diet was genius.
      4. Does octopus need to be capitalized? In that same sentence, you need "its" without an apostrophe.
      5. Avoid run-on sentences.
      6. If Travis discovered this creature, could he choose to give the creature a name? This is just a personal preference, but I'm curious as to what this creature actually is.

      Your project is awesome. I love every part of it. I can't wait to read other stories you add. Your project is so fun and creative! Great job!

  5. Hey Travis,

    I like your idea a lot it seems very unique and I like the character that you are playing. I really like the layout of your website as it is very intuitive. I like your banner picture as it has the whole journal sketch vibe kind of like the bigfoot picture you have but the one critique I have is that it is not a picture of cryptids. Maybe you could try to find another one like that but if not, its not the end of the world. Other than that I thought the introduction was very clear and specific. Maybe instead of just specifying that these creatures exist in general you could say something about the appearance of these creatures in the epics we are reading about. Going along with this another question I had that maybe could be clarified is if you are studying these creatures from afar or if you are putting yourself into these stories?

  6. Travis,
    Reading your introduction was absolutely incredible. I love how you have incorporated yourself into the story and used yourself as a character who is on a journey to discover supernatural creatures. I think that your page is very well put together as well. I also like how you have used examples of the creatures in which your character has studied and encountered. If I were to make any sort of suggestion, it would be to maybe go into a little more detail about the creatures and exactly what you are going to be striving to let the readers know. I like your portfolio especially for the fact that shows about these types of myths, stories, and discoveries are my favorites to watch and learn about. I look forward to getting to read your stories and am eager to see exactly what types of animals and creatures that you will use.

  7. Hi Travis! You have a great job with your Introduction. You have provided a good foundation for what your Storybook will further dive into. I have a few suggestions about your Introduction that you are free to take, but if not no worries. There is a statement that says, "...but what I found where creatures outside expectations" I think you may have meant "were" not "where." Also, I have a question about one statement that says, "I would recommend not reading this journal though." Personally, I love how you are making your Storybook like a journal. I think it is quite fitting because you are an expert researcher, and I usually picture researches in the wilderness with a journal logging down their findings and surroundings. However, I am confused why you recommend not reading the journal? I think what you will be writing about is interesting and we should read your journal entries! Overall, you have provided an Introduction that pulls in the reader as it is over subject matters that some do believe in and some do not. Through your journal, maybe those who do not believe in these things that are unseen, may begin to believe!

  8. Hey Travis

    I really enjoyed your layout for storybook a lot. You had me hooked from the first word on your introduction. I thought it was smart to make yourself the main character in the stories that we will be reading. I feel it will help us get a personal perspective about what we can expect for the stories. One question I have is what stories are you going to be focusing on specifically? I know in the introduction you mention some of the creatures that you have come across while studying but I am not sure if those are the ones we will read about. I definitely get a kind of horror vibe from reading the last paragraph, but I was curious if this will be scientific/academic journal readings or if they will be more like logs about finding out how this creatures exist sprinkled with some horror. I am excited to continue to read the stories you post in the future.

  9. Hello Travis,
    Your storybook intro is a great hook for the readers. I am very curious what stories you will put up. I think it's very unique that you have made yourself the protagonist here. I also think the end makes the whole thing really intriguing and makes the reader want to continue reading. You are basically daring me to read more. I also think making the story in this day makes the intrigue and mystery even more because it makes us wonder what could actually be around us. You did a really good job with hinting about the Rakshasas and monkey people (I think I'm right on those guesses anyway) without actually telling the readers what they are.
    I did notice you have used the footer to put the image info for the Bigfoot sketch (which is fitting picture for your intro). Did you know that the footer is displayed on each and every page? It might be best to put your comment wall link in the footer and leave the image info in a separate text box.

  10. Hey Travis

    After your introduction I was very pleased with how you're starting your introduction. It's almost like an introduction and a warning at the same time. I think cryptids are a very interesting subject because I've always been interested if bigfoot and creatures like that are actually real. Another aspect of your story that I really enjoyed was the pictures you included. The picture on your homepage reminded me of like scientific animal sketches a researcher would have. For the introduction picture I'm really glad you didnt do some animated big foot or something because the sketch of bigfoot went really well with your story. I'm excited to see what else comes out of your story

  11. Hello Travis,

    Great introduction! It definitely got me hooked to read more about these different types of cryptids. Content-wise, I don't really have any advice to improve; I think it is great as is! I do, however, have some grammar improvements to suggest. "I went looking for the Monkey-Man of Delhi, but what I found where creatures outside expectations." I assume "where" should've been "were". There are also multiple sentences where you used a comma to separate to independent clauses. You should replace those with a semicolon instead. In the third paragraph, you talked about the different kinds of creatures you see that can't be explained biologically. You already stated in the beginning that they can't be explained biologically, so rather than continue saying that biology can't explain their existence, I would talk about WHY they can't exist (or you can simply reword it). For example, "I have also seen a man so large he should not be able to live biologically." You already stated that biology can't explain these creatures so there isn't a need to say again, that the man can't live biologically. Explain why, if that makes sense. There's been plenty of huge animals that were able to live, so maybe put the man's size in context? I hope these advice helped and good luck with the project!

  12. Hey Travis,
    I was really interested in your story! I personally, throughout our reading assignments, was really intrigued by the Rakshasa. Although I did not write my stories around them, I kind of wish I did not that I have read yours! I really liked how you incorporated the theme of the Rakshasa into your piece. The way you used subtle details as well as imagery throughout added to your already interesting subject selection. Your wording and syntax flowed really well and it was easy to read. I also liked the image you published with your story, as it gave the topic of Rakshasa an edge it kind of already had. I think, in all, you started off and developed on really well with your story. I wish you the best in future writing, and great job on this piece as well!

  13. Hey Travis,
    I'm back to read your first story and I really enjoyed it. You described things very well and I felt like I was watching it all happen in front of my own eyes. You have another really good image to go with your story and it really shows the strange looks a rakshasa can have. It's also great how you hint about the "creature's" ability to transform using the footprints. That's one of the really good details you have in your story.
    It's also really interesting that you brought Rama and Lakshmana into your story, and I could recognize them from the details you added. I do wonder though, what reason would they be there? Maybe you could add in mentions of a news report of the local town where some people have gone missing or something like that. I also wonder if they are still Rama and Lakshmana? Do they show up again in later stories? Or will there other recognizable characters? I'm hoping these questions get answered in your next stories and I'll be back to read them.

  14. Hey Travis! This week as I go over your project I'm going to be focusing on the images you've used throughout your storybook. I really like the image you picked out for your home page! It made me wonder, "what really is a cryptid?" It sounded more supernatural than the animals that I saw on your home page. With my interest piqued, I was ready to explore the rest of your storybook! I was fascinated by your introduction! It was cool to hear the title cryptozoologist--as a biology major, this is definitely something I would be interested in. Your introduction did a great job of explaining what your project is all about. It was made even more realistic by your admission that sometimes even you aren't sure whether what you are hunting is really there. The picture you included for your introduction of bigfoot fits perfectly. Your description of following the trail of a mysterious creature in the story "The First Encounter" made me feel as though I was with you following the tracks as well. Your writing was so realistic, it felt like a journal! The picture you included is perfect for this story--I'm not quite sure what the creature is in the picture but I think that is precisely the point. I loved reading about your encounter with the shape shifter, good work!

  15. Hi Travis! I actually didn’t know what Cryptids were, so I had to do some research before I started reading your portfolio. I am so happy that you explained what they were on your introduction page (haha, I looked it up before I read our introduction). Maybe on your front page, change the sentence to something like this: “Storybook project on my time hunting Cryptids (read my introduction to know more about them). As I update this story I would love to hear feedback from you here at my blog.” I think that simple change could help you guide your leader even more. In terms of images, maybe, even changing your banner image. I noticed you kept it the same for all three of your pages. Although I think it looks clean in this way, you could change it and related it to the theme of your story. Overall, I think your images are great! I also like the design, with keeping images black/white.

  16. Hey Travis! Really unique portfolio. I think it is awesome that you have choosen to step outside of the box and do something unique like this. You must live an interesting life. I wish you luck on your goals of finding these crypto animals. I Think you should keep it up. Doubts are a hard thing to get past but once you realize your path you just got to keep on going! Good Luck!

  17. Hey Travis! I started by jumping into your introduction and I enjoyed your picture selection. As I started reading your introduction, I realized your picture really complements how you have shaped your information. Furthermore, in reflection it makes sense how you you’ve developed the theme of your website as it compliments the story quite nicely. I jumped into “The First Encounter” and the title alone gave me a chilly sense of foreboding. As I first read your introduction, I thought it was cool how you intertwined your major directly into the story. Your formatting is quite eloquent as the paragraphs don’t seem to drag on or jump too rapidly. You don’t seem to use a lot of dialogue, but I think it actually makes effective sense as we seem to be jump between narration and internal thought. Overall, I like your writing style as it kept me effectively engaged. Thanks for sharing!


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